“Imperfectly…Perfect!!”
My high school scrapbook had a quote that has always stayed with me. It said, “Pobody’s Nerfect!!” When I read it for the 1st time I wasn’t sure what it meant, but a little restructuring of words lead me to the actual quote — “Nobody’s Perfect!!” After years of striving for “perfection”, I finally realized that perfection is all about accepting your imperfections!!
“Broken crayons still color.” I remember seeing this quote and smiling to myself because I had never ever questioned as to why somebody would want to make such a quote, and that is when it struck me that for most of us “broken” means “worthless” or “insignificant”, a state from where there is no coming back.
As a child as well as an adult, I have been told many a times that I don’t have what it takes to be perfect. The sentences usually begin with, “you are an awesome person but…” and these “buts” have haunted me for a long time. These thoughts have led me to questions like, “Is being flawed wrong? Are some of us born perfect or is it our life’s purpose to achieve perfection, no matter what? Why can’t we be accepted with our flaws? And when I started exploring these questions I realized that the problem is not being flawed, the problem is that instead of working on them or accepting them, we keep obsessing about them and let them define our self-worth. And of course seeking validation from other people is such a fundamentally “human” thing to do, that moving past the imperfection seems downright impossible.
A few years back, I came across a Chinese folklore that featured two pots, one that was cracked and the other that was perfect. The story highlighted how the cracked pot felt bad because it couldn’t carry a full pot of water back home and when it mentioned this to the owner, the owner simply smiled and said, “You may not be carrying the entire load of water but have you observed how colorful your side of the path is? The water that escapes through the crack has germinated the seeds and you can see beautiful flowers there. I knew about your flaw but I decided to use it to my advantage, so you my dear may be cracked but you still managed to exceed your potential by not only providing me with water but also giving life to these plants.” This video reinforced the fact that “flawed” does not mean “broken, useless or worthless” and nor do you need to be perfect to make an impact.
In Japanese folklore, “wabi-sabi” means appreciating the imperfection in things. They actually fix cracked pottery with gold dusted lacquer to highlight the imperfections and to show that it is more beautiful as time passes. So then the question is, can we wabi-sabi our lives? Is it possible for us to look at our imperfections or flaws as quirks and appreciate them for making us unique? Can simply accepting our flaws and if possible working on them, make us feel more positive and less stressed? Can we then look at flaws as one part of ourselves, rather the only part?” The answer is YES.
After years of talking about wabi-sabi and its application to many aspects of life including the self and relationships, psychologists believe that being compassionate towards ourselves, and accepting our flaws is the one constructive way to being happy. So next time when you are tempted to define yourself based on your flaws, ask yourself if there is any way in which you can use that flaw to your advantage and is it really a flaw because you deem it as such or because somebody else thinks it’s a flaw. Its simplest application would be to look at ourselves from the eyes of a loved one, who does not see flaws but endless potential.
I remember when I first discovered wabi-sabi and decided to apply it to my life, I was better able to accept my flaws and even turn a blind eye to people who pointed them out. My self-talk changed from one of criticism to one of empathy and motivation. I also realized that flaws do not exist to bring you down or make you feel imperfect; they exist to let you know that perfection is something that we keep striving for while ignoring all the wonderful things that we already have going for us. It keeps us from celebrating the small wins.
I believe that if you start looking at yourself as somebody who deserves love and compassion despite the imperfection, rather than let your flaws define your global self-worth, you would not only succeed and be happy but also create an impact that you never thought possible.
As Adrianna Elizabeth says, “even when petals have flaws, all you see is a beautiful flower.”
(Stay tuned for the next article on how to apply the wabi-sabi philosophy to your life to become more compassionate and peaceful.)
